Fotini Chandrika Walton
The Grace of Letting Go
Updated: Dec 13, 2020
So here we are.
We have finally landed from, what felt like, a very long free fall.
A fall into the arms of surrender. A fall into the arms of grace.
They say grace is courage under pressure. And so it is. It took a lot of courage to let go of our beloved old farm combined with a lot of pressure to make the final decision, despite not having found another farm right away (see previous blog post for the whole story!).
It has been almost four months since my last post. Even though it feels like just yesterday. Times of transition can find us in the void. That space between here and there. A feeling of floating mid-air with no sense of the footing below.
It was weeks before I landed on my yoga mat again. I remember the negative self-talk that would go through my mind "you are a yoga teacher, you should be practicing every day"; "you are going to lose your flexibility"; "you are going to forget the names of the poses"....etc etc etc...
It was during my early morning meditation (where I get most of my Divine insights) that I received the clearest, most powerful and meaningful message that I desperately needed to hear. "This transition IS your practice right now."
My heart has known for decades and has taught to my students that the yoga practice is not about the time spent on the mat (though that time on the mat has so many incredible benefits!). The yoga practice is about the time spent in the moment.
With this wisdom, I carried on, being gentle with my self, my body, my fluttering mind. And there was a lot in my mind, Not only did I care about my transition, but I carried the weight of the transition of my dependents; my son, bird, dog, horses and chickens, so concerned about their well-being and adjustment into the new surroundings.
I quickly recognized the trigger was set off in the process of this move. My background includes over 20 moves and our last farm was the very first place I felt fully safe and fully at home, spending a decade there. Our horses also knew this feeling of moving frequently and having to adjust all over again. Moving, albeit only 10 minutes away, shook that all up for me, bringing it back to the surface. I observed the Horses and their adaptability for the inspiration and wisdom that they so gracefully shared. As they always do.
We got quiet.
Our new space has quickly become sweet home. Home truly is where the heart is....and where the barn is! I have been rolling out my mat again, while we have settle in nicely, preparing for the quiet holidays, in lieu of the global pandemic. We miss our families dearly. We miss "old times", pre-Covid. Despite the circumstances well beyond our control, we have an overwhelming sense of gratitude for listening to our hearts, taking the leap of faith and trusting our inner wisdom for making the decisions we made to be here now. And we are all healthy and happy here in our new home!
Some of our greatest mistakes come from holding on too tight. Holding on too tight in our relationships with others, work, money, material things, even holding on too tight to our goals can be counterproductive! Think about this...what happens when you put sand in your hand and make a fist, holding on real tight? Yep, it slips between your fingers. Can you hold back the tide from coming in from the ocean, even if you try with all your might? Did you know that even the smallest horse is stronger than the largest man? So, can you hold back a wild horse? NO! You need to dance with their natural instincts in order to harmoniously work with horses. If you tighten your grip on the lead rope or reins, it often brings the exact opposite results.
There is a flow to the experience of life that is disrupted by our desire to control every aspect of it. Loosening the grip on life really allows for the natural flow, the release of the very resistance that often leads to our own suffering.
It's easy to hold on tight to the past. It's easy to hold on tight to worries about the future. The greatest challenge for the human mind is being right here. In the moment. Becoming the listener of your deepest wisdom, your inner teacher, that is part and parcel of the Divine. Holding the moment softly so as not to let it's guidance slip through the fingers. Each moment is our guide to the next.
Because life's like that. A myriad of flowing experiences. And the practice is being present with every. single. one. of. them. Allowing each moment to be your teacher. Giving each moment the sacred space to be your guide.
We are thankful for you sharing in the moments with us throughout this transition and ever so thankful to the Horses for being a exemplary example of grace!
From all us here at Red Barn Wellness Farm, we wish you the happiest of holidays spent in the moment.
Fotini Chandrika and the Horse Teachers